Dandelions and fighting talk!

Archibold was sitting in his armchair relaxing and reading aloud from his favourite newspaper, 'The Gnome's Digest', after enjoying a tasty dinner of mushroom stew with herby dumplings. 

Hortensia was resting her feet, (which truth to tell were still recovering from dancing at The Mid Summer Revels), in a bowl of sweetly scented lavender water. She was feeling rather sleepy and in fact was just beginning to doze off when Archibold suddenly exclaimed, ' there I knew it, at last, O'Dophoplus has taken up the cause for Dandelions!' and with that he began to read aloud........

'The humble dandelion - friend or foe?, you see Hortensia, just what I have been saying all along?' Hortensia tried to look interested but was too sleepy to say anything other than a quiet 'really Dear?' That however was quite enough for Archibold who began to read aloud in earnest..... 

' Here goes Hortie, I'll just read the whole article to you, to save you having to read it yourself.' Hortensia loved being read to, especially by Archibold as to her mind he had the loveliest of voices, she just wasn't too sure she wanted to hear about dandelions at the end of a long day. 

Archibold coughed, sat up straight and began, 'The vagaries of human taste are most peculiar - especially with regard to what humans call 'weeds'. Imagine a flower bed full of the riotous joy of dandelions intermingled with ox eye daisies and cornflowers, yet what human would gladly introduce such a thing to their beloved garden?  - Just what I think Hortie, that was a mix we tried in the long field, looked a treat too!' Hortensia rolled her eyes and tried hard to stay awake.

'From a Gnome's perspective, a human's hatred of dandelions is just plain absurd. Compare the humble dandelion with the common, and to humans, most acceptable marigold. Both glorious in bloom, radiant with colour, both upright and of good character in their cheerfulness inducing qualities - but the lowly dandelion is despised and removed in disgust whilst the marigold cherished and nurtured!

As a gnome of many years experience in supporting humans in their efforts to bring an earthly paradise to their gardens, I can truly report that their tastes are often most at variance with the natural abundance that could be theirs for the planting, for what we call The king of Cheerfulness, is much loved by the insect world and by us gnomes, and is deserving of a nobler future!

Toddle pip for now!

Yours in service, Humbert O'Dopholus - author of 'From a Gnome's perspective'

Well Hortensia, what an article, how right he is!' Sadly for Archibold and his enthusiasm, all that Hortensia could manage in reply was a gentle snuffle, for she was well and truely asleep!

'Well, well, nothing for it I suppose, I might as well have forty winks too ' and with that Archibold leaned back contentedly, patted his folded newspaper and fell asleep too!

Fruit jellies and a pink hat....!

Mrs Partridge was experimenting, she had been thinking for days about what to bring as a special treat to The Mid-summer Revels. ' I know it is old fashioned' she thought, 'but there really is nothing as lovely as a cool fruit jelly on a hot summer's day.'

She had a vision of a tray of little gleaming jellies - but what to make them in that was the right size so that they could set - that was the problem. Much to her surprise as she woke up from a mid-afternoon doze in her chair, her eyes alighted on the perfect solution! There across the room - all lined up on the bookshelf, was her collection of thimbles! 'The very thing, right in front of me all the time, well fancy that, I must try them out at once.'

Imagine Aunt Mildred's surprise when, casually looking in the kitchen window - she was of course officially checking on the herbs in the window box - when she saw Mrs Partridge pouring a red liquid into upside down thimbles, which were being kept upright by being tucked into slices of brown bread, and then, put the whole lot into the fridge!

'Never ever seen her cook anything so strange' Aunt Mildred later reported to Hortensia 'can't think what she was up to, most peculiar indeed.' Aunt Mildred prided herself on her cooking (especially her renowned mint humbugs) and often liked to see what Mrs Partridge was cooking in her kitchen, as inspiration for her own dinners.

If she was honest, Aunt Mildred rather liked Mrs Partridge's company in general. Mrs Partridge had very good taste in television programmes, and most afternoons both she and Aunt Mildred would watch television together, though of course, Aunt Mildred was the other side of the patio doors resting in the cool under a geranium leaf. They both liked cookery programmes and had a penchant for a lean young man (young at least to Aunt Mildred) known as Nigel, who had a gnome in the garden off his kitchen where he demonstrated - what Mrs Partridge called 'real cooking with flavour and most tasty too!'

Mrs Partridge herself was very pleased with the results of her jelly experiment. Just the ticket, just tickety boo, they'll never have tasted anything like these! Next I'll try blackcurrant flavour, or maybe even lime?' She had decided to bring chocolate brownies as her cake, mainly it has to be said, because she thought that it could easily be cut into small cubes suitable for gnomes to enjoy as small cakes. 'The size of things is what is tricky, still what an honour it is to be invited, I must do my best to be the perfect guest.'

She had been sorting out a suitable hat and had decided on a salmon pink straw with a large brim which she had last worn for a niece's wedding many years previously. 'Some fresh sweet peas will go very well and look lovely on top and best of all, hide the worst of the worn bits!' It had been a long time since Mrs Partridge had had an occasion to dress up,  'Such fun, I haven't been this excited for years,' she exclaimed out loud after trying on her hat to make sure that it still fit.

Through the window Aunt Mildred smiled with joy, she felt the same way, 'first time in many a long year My Dear, that a human has been part of our lives - and about time too!'

Ivy rope and a pebble invitation......

'Well that really is a good idea Hector!'Archibold gazed in admiration at the ivy rope walk-way that Hector had attached between two branches. They were sitting high up in the old oak tree where they had traditionally built their Helter Skelter ride for the Mid Summer Revels. 'A little risky, but so much more fun! Next I think we should have a suspension rope with ivy leaf seats to sit in, so we can swing down and along to the next level.'

Archibold gasped, he knew that Hector was renowned for his bravery and expertise in abseiling (mainly developed as a necessity,  living as he did on a balcony in a block of flats in a nearby city), but a suspension rope between different branches with seats to swing along in - well, such a thing had never even been heard of! 'Not to worry Archie, I saw it on a TV programme on skiing that I watched through the window, humans use them in them on mountains when they want to get up and down them quickly.'

Archibold gulped, ' you really are very brave Hector, but will ivy rope be strong enough?' Hector grinned a wild grin as he uncoiled from his rucksack a length of old washing line, ' salvaged it myself from a neighbors balcony, the very best there is!' Archibold thought that Hector was looking particularly daring, maybe his years in the city were making his love of adventure ever more dangerous than ever. 'Just think of it Archie, we will go down in gnome history as the builders of the greatest Helter Skelter ride of all time?'

Archie thought to himself that that was just the sort of comment that could lead to disaster, but thought better of saying anything out loud whilst Hector was looking so wild. So they set to working out the best angle and even tried out a few practice runs. 'I think for safety's sake we had best ask Hortensia's advice about the seats don't you think Horatio?'

So that is how it came to be that Hortnsia came home from her evening stroll with baby Harriet to find her kitchen floor covered in ivy leaves, and Archibold and Hector in fierce discussion about the whys and wherefors of suspension hocks!

'Dinner first' said Hortensia firmly, ' no use trying to think straight when you are hungry!' Ad with that she set out a lovely stew of chestnuts and some pease pottage. Once she had grasped what was involved, Hortensia announced that she had just the thing upstairs in her sewing chest and that she would be back soon. Archibold and Hector waited anxiously but soon Hortensia reappeared with her price collection of curtain rings. 'Donated by the old lady when she changed her curtains last year, you can use them, but I want them back safely at the end of the Revels.' Hortensia raised her eyebrow at Archie as he nervously promised to return them.

'Curtain rings are a prize to be treasured, just think of the uses and how precious they are, humans almost always use plastic nowadays and a brass ring is so much better!' Hortensia had ideas of her own that she was waiting to announce. Both she and Aunt Mildred were very fond of their old lady human who lived in the house and garden at the edge of the forest, and this year they were planning to invite her to the Revels. Hortensia knew that most of the other gnomes would be shocked at such a radical idea, but she was determined that having established trust over the past year or so, that this year their friend could come along and be part of such a happy event.

And so one fine summer's morning the old lady, or Mrs Partridge to use her real name, walked out into her garden and saw her invitation carefully spelled out by pebbles on the lawn. The gnomes had made a great effort to make the message clear and in plain English, ' YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO ATTEND THE MID SUMMER REVELS ON JUNE 12th AT TWO O'CLOCK UNDER THE OLD OAK IN THE LONG FIELD. HATS REQUIRED.'

Mrs Partridge almost jumped in shock but steadied herself and spent the next hour rearranging the pebbles with her walking stick replying, ' DELIGHT TO ATTEND, BRINGING HAT AND CAKE.'

Blossom and Plans....!

'Gently does it, ease yourself along..." Uncle Humperdinck was sitting aside a branch in the pear tree holding Aunt Mildred's hat for her, as she edged along the branch towards him. 'No need to rush My Dear, we'll be settled in minute.' Most of the gnomes were already comfortably nestled on their branches, but Aunt Mildred had been busy making a poultice for poor Humbert's gouty foot and was the last to arrive.

They were having a meeting to discuss the Mid-Summer Revels which were fast approaching. Long ago, The Council of Elders had realised that holding a meeting in the branches of a tree in blossom time, resulted in a much better outcome!

Hortensia had settled on holding the meeting in a wild pear tree as a seasonal treat. The soft white and pale pink petals and the warmth of the morning sunlight were intoxicating, and for ages the gnomes just rested on their branches, gazing into the beauty of the blossom all around them.

'Time to get down to business then' said Archibold, and with that Aunt Mildred passed around the mint humbugs. 'Nothing like a humbug to help one think' she muttered.

Soon the little tree of blossom was pervaded by the strong scent of mint and the sounds of loud sucking.
'Whose in charge of the marquee, and are we having a theme this year, that's what I want to know?' Archibold knew that he would be put in charge as usual of finding the perfect canopy for he marquee, (his skills at finding the right plastic bag to make the tent secure, waterproof and striking to look at, were legendary), but he wasn't too keen on a theme.

They all remembered the year that Aunt Mildred had decided on a Rabbit Rodeo, and the large number of carrots that they had been forced to borrow - as well as the trouble they had had from the rabbits for months afterwards. (Aunt Mildred had been watching television through the old lady's patio doors when she had thought up the idea, and though Hortensia had tried to persuade her that rabbits were not horses, and gnomes very different to humans - Aunt Mildred had won the day that year.)

Hortensia quickly spoke, ' I think that it would be wonderful to have the helter-skelter adventure ride again as well as the usual games.' So it was decided in minutes, lots of enthusiastic volunteering and hat tossing as the gnomes remembered the dangerous excitement of the helter-skelter ride through the tree tops and down to the games ground.

'Aunt Mildred, I think that you should present the prizes along with Archimedes, if we can persuade him to come along.' Aunt Mildred glowed, surely now she had the perfect excuse to make a new ceremonial hat! 'Well if you are sure, I could of course contribute towards the prizes?' Wild cheering from all the gnomes confirmed the decision as in the best interests of the whole community, and soon they were all scampering home to plot and plan the most perfect Mid-Summer's Day Revels ever held!

Blue bells and a Birthday tea!

Archibold was out and about on a little jaunt, today was his Birthday and he was rather proud of the new tweed jacket that Hortensia had made especially for him as his Birthday present, and that he was wearing for the very first time.

He was pleased too with all the extra pockets that she had placed in the lining. 'Never can have too many pockets you know, never know when you might need a bit of string or dried moss', he had smiled his especially happy smile which Hortensia knew meant he wasn't just being polite, but really did like the jacket.

She had made the jacket from an old tweed cap that Archibold had found abandoned on the bank of the stream. 'Waited two days as is polite, then said to myself, no time to let it rot, best to take it home to my Hortensia!' Now he was wearing the smartest jacket he had ever owned and sporting a large daisy on his collar that Hortensia had given him, so that everyone would know that it was his Birthday!

'Today is my Brithday' Archibold announced to the plants and trees as he passed. Truth to tell he was more than a little excited, 'best be a bit nippy today, Birthday tea in the bluebells later, mustn't be late for that!'

Gnomes take Birthdays very seriously, as you know they take celebrating in general very seriously, so a Birthday nearly always involves a party and lots of dancing and singing. What Archibold didn't know was that one of his best friends, Hector, was making a trip home just for his special day.

Hortensia had sent a long letter, kindly delivered by a sprightly sparrow, to Hector where he lived on the balcony of a block of flats in the nearest city. 'I don't think Hector, that he remembers that this year is a special year, he has never been that good with numbers, so he won't be expecting you to make the trip home at all, and it would be a perfect Birthday present!' Hector adored an adventure, and after checking all was well with the bulbs and plants on his balcony and in the local park, had set off at once.

For the truth was that Archibold was one hundred years old! Now, to you and I, one hundred seems very old indeed, but to a gnome, though a significant Birthday and one to be seriously celebrated, being a hundred was not very old at all. Gnomes can live a long time, and maybe as Aunt Mildred was fond of saying, 'best not to take time too seriously, its how you live it that makes it long or short...' was really true!

In any event, up in the glorious blue haze and sweet scent of the blue bells, table cloths were being laid out, swings tied on to branches, 'hoop la' and 'toss the hat' and other games pitches being measured out. Best of all, an enormous Birthday Tea was being prepared with a delicious hazelnut cake carefully being wheeled over on a cart  - Archibold's favourite of course!

Elevenses and Spring time treats.....

'Very busy time of year, very busy indeed,' Archibold had popped back home for elevenses and a piece of cake, and of course, to deliver the fresh new dandelion leaves he had collected his way home. 'Some of the gardens, Hortensia you wouldn't believe how neglected they are, no bedding plants in and so few buds.'

Archibold took his gardening responsibilities seriously, long ago he had realised that once he had taken the great step of choosing to look after a garden, well, then that was that - he was committed for life to both to the garden and all plants within it, and often to the human that cared for it too! Of course humans could put out statues of gnomes in their gardens thinking they might entice a gnome to become a Head Gardener, but as Aunt Mildred frequently remarked 'just because they have a statue out doesn't mean they deserve a gnome!'

For as you can imagine, to a gnome's way of thinking, humans often have the strangest ideas about gardening - and if we are honest, about gnomes themselves. 'No use thinking they are just like us, similar but different, that's all you have to remember, similar but different!' Aunt Mildred was often wise, sometimes grumpy too it has to be said, but mostly wise and kind. 'Poor things they are just so big and in such a rush they forget to look and listen, how they think they can garden without looking and listening - well, you only have to look around to see the results!'

Hortensia winked at Archibold, Aunt Mildred had come round to borrow something, but as she couldn't remember what it was she needed, she had decided to stay and have a cup of tea and a slice of apple cake instead. 'Can't ever remember a Spring so late, no time for snoozing now the buds are on their way!' this last remark was aimed at Uncle Humperdinck, who grateful for the very comfy chair had dozed off. 'Marmalade My Dear, it was quince marmalade that you wanted to borrow, I wasn't asleep at all My Dear, just trying to remember!'

Soon it was time to be on their way, and off they all set. Hortensia had strapped Baby Harriet on her back safely tucked into her basket and Archibold had a large sack of dandelion and cow parsley seed to put out and about. Uncle Humperdinck and Aunt Mildred were setting off home with an enormous pot of quince marmalade between them and a basket with a few dried apple rings just in case they might be running out.

'See you all later' called out Hortensia, 'Stephanotis is coming over for his tea and bringing his bagpipes!' The sun was beginning to come out for the first time in ages and the gnomes knew, this time for sure, Spring was on it's way.....!

The comfort of a snug and happy home....

Archibold was sitting by the fireplace watching the crackling fire as he soaked his poor feet in a bowl of warm lavender water. 'You are a treasure Hortensia My Dear, my feet feel better already.' Hortensia smiled, she was heating up the soup for their evening meal, 'just been so cold and damp for so long Archie, hard for your feet to always be in clammy wet boots day in and day out.'

Archibold sniffed the air as Hortensia lifted the lid and the sweet smell of onion and barley broth filled the air, 'don't feel damp or cold now My Dear, downright toasty inside and out!' he slurped at his soup and smacked his lips with delight. Hortensia had given up years ago trying to curb his enthusiasm for soup, and was now resigned to accepting that all slurps and burbs were a sign of great contentment and appreciation.

The two gnomes sat looking into the flickering flames, usually at this time of year, their friends would be dropping by, and the air would be full of excitement at the news of the latest buds and flowers that they all had spotted that day. 'The bluebells have started to show their leaves, that's something to look forward to, best we wait for Spring to finally come by keeping warm and planning an escapade or two.'

Hortensia agreed, the truth was that the unseasonal cold was becoming exhausting. 'Its not that I don't see how beautiful it all is, but frost every morning at this time of year is a little wearing....' Hortensia's voice faded away as she realised that the room was filling up with sounds of soft snoring and the occasional snuffle - Archibold was sound asleep.

'Fancy falling asleep with his feet in a bowl of water, he must be very tired indeed!' Hortensia gently lifted his feet out of the water and wrapping a shawl around them, placed them on the rug.

She sat back in her rocking chair looking into the glowing flames, 'seems the poor earth is tired too' she thought 'perhaps it needs a rest as well, humans are so busy these days and doing so many silly things, perhaps they need some dream time too....nature is wiser than us, best to go with how things are...' and with that Hortensia found her eyes slowly closing as she too gently drifted into a little snooze. 'Must start on my embroidery, nearly Aunt Mildred's Birthday and she will want to wear her new hat.' But her head kept nodding forward and soon she was fast asleep - the little room began to fill with the sweet air of adventurous dreams and the snug comfort and peace of a happy home.